My early work in the psychology of high-performance sport began in the 1990s, during my PhD research into the mental health and well-being of elite athletes. Over time, this focus has expanded to include dancers, actors, musicians and other high performers across a wide range of demanding professions (e.g., surgeons, the military, emergency services, corporate executives, commercial pilots, etc).
Through working across age groups, it became quite apparent that performance-related pressures were already shaping the experiences of children and adolescents in ways that echoed the adult patterns I had seen, particularly around identity, motivation and the weight of external expectations. These dynamics were especially concerning in children, whose developmental safeguards were still in the process of forming. This led me not only to examine these dynamics but also to confront and directly address these pressures in treatment, which in turn led me to explore with many children and their adult support networks the environments that either shaped, sustained, or eroded healthy engagement in high-performance pursuits from the earliest stages of life.
The goal is to foster positive mental health through enthusiastic engagement in the activity that naturally supports the child’s confidence and excitement in approaching developmentally appropriate and personally meaningful challenges.
It’s from this experience that I came to recognise a recurring pattern in high-performance environments, particularly when it comes to children. This pattern reflects a shift away from the child’s initial connection to an activity, which is typically joyful and self-motivated, as external expectations gradually begin to take hold.
This shift doesn’t just impact child performers. When it’s established early, it usually lays the groundwork for more significant challenges in adolescence and early adulthood, when commitment to the activity solidifies and external expectations become more deeply embedded into the performer’s sense of identity. Often, this happens without the supportive conditions that made early engagement so rewarding.
The following reflections consider how those shifts unfold and how we can protect the natural flow of intrinsic motivation that sparked the child’s engagement in the first place.
A familiar dilemma
A child often begins their involvement in any activity with enthusiasm and a natural affinity for the experience. Over time, however, the space that once nurtured creativity, growth, and connection can become increasingly shaped by adult-driven goals and a growing tendency to treat the activity like a performance ladder, with benchmarks and KPI targets that echo adult workplace pressures, even though the child is engaged for reasons like joy, curiosity, and connection.
This contrast between a child’s spontaneous, emotionally anchored engagement with the activity and the adult’s tendency to impose outcome-focused structures creates a developmental gap that reflects differing perspectives between the child and the adult on the purpose of the activity, as well as distinct developmental limits in the child’s capacity to engage with adult-driven outcome-oriented expectations.
A child’s performance expectation of an activity is developmentally anchored, meaning it’s guided by the child’s stage of cognitive, emotional, and social development.
At early developmental stages, engagement in activities often includes a desire for enjoyment, belonging, and manageable challenges, rather than long-term achievement or external recognition. When adult expectations begin to eclipse or override these age-appropriate motivations, the activity can lose its emotional safety. The child might start to feel that their own experience is secondary to outcomes they didn’t choose and may not yet be developmentally equipped to manage. As this misalignment grows, so too can the child’s sense of vulnerability, resulting in emotional distress and a loss of trust in an environment where they previously felt safe.
How the environment around a child can intrude on their connection to an activity they might excel in.
What usually begins as joyful engagement in the activity for the child, can gradually be reshaped by the social environment that builds around the activity. While early participation is often anchored in curiosity, self-motivated exploration and an intrinsic drive for self-improvement, subtle shifts can occur over time. Adults may begin to focus more on measurable outcomes than on process, and the language surrounding participation can become increasingly evaluative, judgemental and critical. As this shift takes hold, goals move from being personally meaningful for the child to being externally defined and imposed by the adults.
In such environments, a child can start to feel like their participation is tied to others’ expectations rather than their own interests.
Even when the child succeeds in adult-dominated goals, they might carry the weight of responsibility rather than a sense of personal fulfilment. The child might continue to perform outwardly but become emotionally withdrawn, unsure whether their love for the activity still belongs to them or whether they’re simply meeting the expectations of others.
When children feel unable to voice any hesitation about imposed outcome goals, or to articulate feelings of fatigue or being overwhelmed without fearing disappointment from significant others, their sense of agency begins to erode. What may have once offered a space for self-expression and self-improvement can instead become defined by obligation and harsh self-monitoring.
Disrupted support adds to the risk
In some cases, children will access psychological support that they find helpful. These settings often focus on developing emotional regulation, rebuilding a sense of agency, and helping the child process their performance experience and related commitments on their own terms. This process can often create the conditions for the child to reconnect with the activity in a way that feels authentic and emotionally grounded. This includes rediscovering a natural sense of intrinsic engagement that is freely chosen and reflective of the love that initially drew them to it.
However, when therapeutic goals do not align with adult expectations for discipline, compliance, or a rapid return to structured performance, tensions can emerge.
If the intervention is not seen to support these outcomes, the therapeutic relationship may be ended prematurely, even when the child finds it meaningful. In such cases, the withdrawal of support not only removes access to trusted care but can also reinforce the impression that the child’s well-being matters only when it serves performance.
What the research tells us
This pattern is well documented. Research shows that when a child is pressured to sustain performance gains or competitive momentum that no longer feels meaningful to them, or that exceeds their developmental readiness, they are more likely to experience anxiety, emotional withdrawal, and diminished motivation (Schwebel et al., 2016). Qualitative work further illustrates that when a child’s autonomy is constrained, the activity can shift from being a source of joy to a source of stress or avoidance (Huang, 2023). These findings align with broader developmental research, which links prolonged exposure to performance-oriented environments that do not reflect a child’s values or developmental readiness with increased psychological risk (Pattee, 2022).
Achievement pressure can distort a child’s self-worth, as they begin to believe that being valued depends on outperforming others (Weissbourd et al., 2023). This concern is echoed in reports describing how environments that overemphasise external success can erode well-being and contribute to youth mental health challenges (APA, 2024; Jones, 2018).
A growing body of work also emphasises the importance of distinguishing between adult support and adult pressure.
While encouragement, emotional availability, and respect for a child’s pace can foster confidence and enjoyment, behaviours such as excessive focus on outcomes, criticism of mistakes or rigid expectations can create a threatening climate that undermines motivation and well-being (BSN Sports, 2023; Jones, 2009; Jones, 2018). In the context of dysfunctional competitive environments, it becomes vital that the child feels truly grounded in the belief that they matter more than any outcome expected of them.
Feeling genuinely valued for who they are rather than what they achieve emerges as a critical protective factor in any high-stakes performance environment.
Protecting what matters most
In these moments, the clinical task is not to guide the child back toward competition, outcomes, or externally imposed goals. It is to help preserve their relationship with the activity itself, especially the sense of meaning, agency, and psychological safety it once offered.
Whether the child is engaged in sport, music, or any other expressive pursuit, the focus should be on supporting continued participation in a way that honours their values, developmental readiness, and evolving sense of self. This may involve re-establishing autonomy, enabling voluntary engagement, or adjusting the environment to reduce pressure and restore emotional safety. By fostering these conditions, adults can help ensure the activity remains a space of vitality rather than a source of distress for the child. Failing to do so risks compromising both the child’s well-being and their long-term connection to something they once loved.
As caregivers, coaches, educators, and clinicians, we can ask:
- Are we listening to what the child is communicating, or are we filtering their experience through our own expectations of their future potential?
- Is our support attuned to their emotional needs, or to the trajectory we hope to see in their performance?
- Can we make room for them to pause, shift direction, or reframe their involvement without interpreting it as failure or a lack of commitment?
Supporting a child’s autonomy does not mean lowering standards. It means recognising when participation no longer feels psychologically safe, purposeful, or freely chosen.
This includes observing behavioural signs such as withdrawal, resistance, or passivity, and emotional cues like anxiety, frustration, apathy, or shame. These responses may indicate the child is continuing not because they are interested, but because they fear disappointing someone or feel they have no choice.
Creating an environment that supports a child’s development starts with paying attention to what they are showing us. If a child becomes withdrawn, depressed, distressed, or shut down, this is not something to correct. It is a sign that something is no longer working for them. Instead of stepping in to push or redirect, adults need to pause, listen, and adjust how they are supporting the child so the experience becomes manageable again. This includes matching expectations to the child’s current capacity, offering choices that feel meaningful, and responding to emotional cues with care and understanding.
When a child is encouraged to re-engage their previously loved activity in a way that feels manageable and self-directed, the likelihood of genuine learning and lasting motivation increases. But when adults overlook the child’s signals and continue to prioritise performance or compliance, the impact becomes clear. The child may become less enthusiastic, more anxious, and show signs of diminished self-confidence. Over time, this can lead to distress, social withdrawal, a sense of being overwhelmed or burnt out and a decline in self-worth that shapes how the child approaches future learning experiences, relationships, and future opportunities for growth.
A child who knows that they can express how they feel without being dismissed, punished, or ignored is more likely to stay engaged, try new things, and take initiative when they are ready. When their emotions and experiences are recognised as valid, and adults listen instead of rushing to fix or redirect, the child begins to feel that their needs and perspectives matter and are taken seriously. In this environment, they can develop their own interests and skills at a pace that feels manageable, rather than responding to external pressures, such as working to meet someone else’s expectations, which may not reflect their emotional, cognitive, or physical capacity at that time. In such environments, when the child encounters difficulties, they are more able to respond in ways that make sense to them. They trust they will not be criticised or pushed beyond what they can manage.
This is not about lowering expectations. It’s about creating an environment where meaningful and lasting development begins. When a child feels safe in their relationships, respected in their efforts, and supported to grow at their own pace. Not only in what they do but in who they are becoming.
References
American Psychological Association. (2024). Perfectionism and the high-stakes culture of success: The hidden toll on kids and parents. Monitor on Psychology, 55(7). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/10/antidote-achievement-culture
BSN Sports. (2023). Pressure vs. support: Parenting in youth sports. https://blog.bsnsports.com/bsn-story/pressure-vs-support-parenting-in-youth-sports
Huang, C.-C. (2023). The effects of coach autonomy support, sports mental training, experiential avoidance, and sports anxiety among badminton college athletes. Journal of Physical Education and Sport, 23(9), 2513–2522. https://doi.org/10.7752/jpes.2023.09289
Jones, C. M. (2018). Adjustment disorder with mixed disturbance of emotion and conduct. In N. J. Pelling & L. J. Burton (Eds.), The elements of psychological case report writing in Australia (pp. 173–182). Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781351258043-21
Jones, C. M., & Tenenbaum, G. (2009). Adjustment Disorder: A new way of conceptualising the overtraining syndrome. International Review of Sport & Exercise Psychology. 2(2), 181-197. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17509840903110962
Pattee, L. (2022). Employee burnout: The dark side of performance-driven work climates. Journal of Organisational Effectiveness: People and Performance, 9(3), 345–362. https://doi.org/10.1108/JOEPP-10-2021-0274
Schwebel, D. C., Smith, M. R., & Tippett, H. (2016). Developmental perspectives on child and adolescent sport participation: Implications for injury risk. Journal of Clinical Sport Psychology, 10(3), 226–240. https://doi.org/10.1123/jcsp.2016-0021
Weissbourd, R., Jones, S. M., Anderson, T. R., Kahn, J., & Russell, M. (2023). How achievement pressure is crushing kids and what to do about it. Making Caring Common Project, Harvard Graduate School of Education. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2023/09/how-achievement-pressure-is-crushing-kids-and-what-to-do-about-it/
Dr Clive 